Chapter 6

So what in the heck caused my estrogen levels to surge to unbelievable levels? Evidently, the estrogen pill does not bind to the receptors as well as the patch or gel. I didn't know that. Also, testosterone helps estrogen to bind to the proper receptors. Oh...one bit of info I failed to give. My testosterone was that of a "90 year old" according to Dr. W. It was almost nonexistent.

The following week was uneventful, outside of anxiety, which I was learning to live with. Mark came into the kitchen and told me he was going to Homeland to get some milk and a few other groceries we needed. He would later tell me that the blank look I had on my face probably meant that I didn't hear him, which was not a rare occurance. But, I heard him. I just could not make sense of what he said. I responded with "I don't know what Homeland is". I knew that I should know. I just didn't. My head felt heavy and confused. It scared both of us. Later that night, Mark and I were in the kitchen together. I said something and Mark nervously laughed. "Kim, you are talking but you aren't making any sense." Wow. What was happening? Were the proteins attacking my neuron receptors just like the doctor said they would? The next day I called the doctor and told him what had happened. He wanted me to see a neurologist. But no big hurry, evidently. They had made an appointment for me for 2 weeks later. Hmmm....something didn't feel right about that. Not sure why.

Two days later, on October 1st, 2009, I went on a women's retreat with my church. I gotta say, I was a bit nervous to go because my anxiety was still way out of control and I wasn't quite sure what was happening in my brain after what had taken place just 2 days earlier. I was determined to not allow this "condition" to keep me from doing the things I wanted to do. So I went. I checked into the hotel where the retreat would take place. That night, I laughed, I cried, I did all the things any normal woman does at a great retreat where women are gathered together in Christ. It was awesome. It was beautiful. It was what I needed.

The next morning, I awoke and went down to meet everyone for breakfast. There was a lot of conversation going on during breakfast and I joined right in. All of a sudden the chattering going on around me became muffled. I knew something wasn't right. My head felt very full. It was as though I could hear people talking but couldn't make any sense of it and certainly couldn't respond. I didn't want anyone to know what was going on, since I had absolutely no clue what was happening myself. A few minutes passed and I felt the heaviness begin to lift. A friend sitting next to me said something to me and I responded. I could tell my speech was slurred. She asked me if I was alright. "Yes, I think I'm just tired." OK...I'm a nurse for cryin' out loud! I know something's not right! But, just like any good nurse, I was in complete denial.

As we sat listening to the speaker that morning, I began to feel like myself again. OK, good. All is good. The speaker was great and I was so glad that I came. The session would be short that day and as it continued I suddenly felt a strange sensation come over the right side of my face. It was numb. My right eye felt very heavy and it felt as though the entire right side of my face was drawn downward. Oh my goodness. This has to be my imagination, I thought. Suddenly my right leg began to tingle. And then my right arm. So, just like any good ER nurse, I began to do a quick and silent stroke test on myself. Grips? Ok, when I squeeze my hands, my right one is definitely weaker. Sensation? I scratched my face on both sides. Oh boy... less sensation on the right. Facial droop? I smiled to see if I could determine symmetry. When I smiled, the right side of my mouth quivered uncontrollably. What in the world do I do? I don't want to cause any attention. The speaker is just about done, I can tell. I will wait for her to finish and then I will slowly stand to make sure that I can walk and then I will go to my room and look in a mirror. I need a mirror. I need to see what my face looks like. Sounded like good reasoning to me. So I waited. And waited. About 30 minutes went by and she finished. When we stood to take a last break, I stood slowly. My right leg was definitely weaker than the left, but I could walk. I didn't speak to anyone. I walked to my room. I looked in the mirror. My heart sank at what I saw. My mouth was drooped down on the right side and my right eye sank. I knew that I had to get help. I knew that I was having a stroke.