Chapter 7

I ended up in the hospital for the next 4 days with several mini strokes, or TIA's (transcient ischemic attacks) from the elevated estrogen level. High levels of estrogen can cause increased risk of blood clots. I was immediately placed on blood thinners and all hormone replacement therapy was stopped. I left the hospital feeling extremely fortunate that I had no residual effects from the strokes, but couldn't help but wonder if and when it would happen again.

My son, Luke, would be turning 16 in a few days and a party was planned for Saturday. I arrived home from the hospital on Thursday and was determined to make sure we celebrated Luke's day in style....Amazing Race style. I felt great. Better than I had felt in months. On Friday morning I sat on the couch with a pen and paper to finalize the details for the race we would be having the next day. I loved this kind of stuff! But, what happened over the next few minutes is very difficult to put into words. The best way to describe it is that it was as though a huge black cloud hovered over my mind and my body and in a matter of minutes I felt as though my world had crumbled around me. I had never felt this in my life. Can depression come on this sudden? And to this degree?

That day was the first of many over the next three weeks that would escalate into a clinical depression that I never dreamed I would experience personally. I went and saw Dr. W that day and he immediately increased my antidepressant. He was not surprised to see the emotional changes that had occurred in such a short period of time. The days that followed worsened. I would go to school and push through the day. The minute I sat in my car at the end of a day of teaching, I fell apart. Each day was worse than the previous. After a week, I found it hard to get out of bed. So I chose not to. Few knew just how depressed I was. I mean, after all, who would get this?? No one truly could unless they'd been through it themselves. Perhaps not even then. But many certainly extended themselves. The Lord gave me an incredible support system.
Journal entry, Tuesday, 10/19/09:
I was alone at night after pushing through the day. I was headed home and knew I was on a spiral headed downward. I held on until Mark and the boys left the house and I got into the shower and felt myself hit rock bottom. I got out and I called a friend, KT. She was at a ballgame but left and came to get me. She held me and cried with me. She prayed with me. I needed someone to understand the pain I was in. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me comfort tonight.