There's a lot to be said for closure. In our class at church, we are watching a series called, "Not a fan, but a follower". There's a scene in it that touched me to the core. A man was lying in a hospital bed, recovering from a heart attack, when another gentleman walked in and began to talk to him. He was 'taunting' him with things from his past. As he was finishing, the patient looked up at the man and calmly said, "I need you to leave now". What does that represent for you? What is keeping you from 'moving on'? What do you need to look square in the eye and say, 'I need you to leave now'? I know what it was for me. It was the insecure woman that sank into the depths of despair.....it was the woman that disappointed others in her life.... it was the woman with a label on her forehead, reading different things at different times...sometimes reading Crazy....other times, Ashamed....or Misunderstood....and at times, Alone.... But, it was more than that for me. It was also the need to make things right....to fix what I had broken....to win back the respect that I had given up....to claim back the dignity that was taken.... Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't been wallowing around with this 'guy', but he seems to show up during times of weakness or times when I'm extra vulnerable. He just walks in uninvited. But not anymore.
I'm the kind of gal that needs to have closure in every sense of the word. I don't like things left undone. I don't like leaving broken pieces or open wounds, loose ends untied. Get the analogy? I like closure. I have spent the last 2 years attempting to find closure.....to make closure happen....to not rest until I am satisfied that closure has indeed occurred. You have read my entries of persistent struggles to overcome the shame of yesterday and all that entails. But about a week and a half ago, I said "I need you to leave now" and with the Lord's guidance, took a step of action. The result? I feel closure. Does it look like I initially wanted and needed it to look? No. Behind that door, there are still broken pieces, there remains several loose ends, and wounds that are unhealed and open. Several days ago, I released control. I chose to close the door, trusting my Lord to do whatever He chooses with what is left on the other side. Strangely enough, ya know what I feel? I feel relief. Relief that I don't have to fix the brokenness. I can walk away... and it feels good. Need to uninvite something or someone in your life? It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do. It is.
Idols....
It’s interesting to watch episode after episode of American Idol each season. You watch these ‘nobodies’ slowly become ‘somebody’ simply because of how they are looked at by authorities in the business. Week after week, we watch these ‘nobodies’ gaining confidence, bettering their looks, singing with more authority each time they take the stage. After several weeks of being judged by the music experts, the american audience becomes the judge. Millions of votes are being cast for these ‘nobodies’. In break rooms all over the world, people are comparing notes about them. Some of them are becoming household names, being discussed at the dinner tables of America. Wow. Whether they win or not, they become idols overnight. They are forever changed because of a television show. Some appear to handle it, others clearly do not. Literally overnight, they become placed so high upon a pedestal that people will wait hours just to catch a glimpse of them, to hear them sing. And what they wouldn’t give to actually meet them, to talk to them, to touch them.
There are times in our lives that for one reason or another we are placed upon a pedestal in someone else’s eyes. It feels good. Everything looks pretty good from up there, doesn’t it? But the fact is, we shouldn’t be up there. Whether it’s because we’ve come to someone’s aid, or we have taught a valuable lesson to someone at just the right time, or we’ve been used by God Himself to intervene in someone’s life, we shouldn’t be up there....ever. God is the only one that should ever take that position in anyone’s life.
Perhaps you are that to a friend that is desperately hurting right now. Continue helping her. Continue being used in her life. But get off that pedestal. Take your position next to her. Trust me, the fall from up there is painful. It’s humiliating. Point her eyes upward, not toward you, but toward her Savior. He’s the only one she needs to be looking up to.
Perhaps you are that one that is hurting. You are clamouring for any thread of hope you can. Is there one or maybe more in your life that you are holding way higher than they need to be? Do you hang on to every word they say? Do you immediately call them or text them when the clouds begin to loom? Do you count on them to talk you off that cliff? Do you need their touch to feel healing? Do you find yourself relying on the fact that the Lord will use them to make you feel hope again instead of relying on Him alone to give you hope?
Hear me here, sister. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be Christ in others’ lives....and that we shouldn’t allow others to be Christ in our lives when we are hurting. But we must be careful on both sides of that equation. Before we know it, we can become someone else’s idol or allow someone dear to us to become our idol. God will absolutely use others in our lives to bring hope, to bring healing. But, they cannot become the source of our hope and our healing. Perhaps you are thinking of one right now. If you feel like you have become her source of hope and healing, for cryin’ out loud, don’t abandon her. She needs you. Talk to her. Redirect her gaze toward Him. It may take a while. Remember, you've been an incredible source of strength for her. Do it slowly and do it gently, but do it. He needs to be her Savior, not you. Seek His wisdom in what your role is and be ok with stepping down a notch or two.
If you are the one in need and you know there is one that you are holding too high, relying too heavily on, talk to them about it. Pray with them about it. It will be difficult. You’ve come to rely on them daily. They may not be so eager to give up their position, or they may be relieved to do so. It may be a friend, it may be a sister, or it may even be your husband. Turn your gaze upward and an incredible thing will happen. You won’t have to give them up as a support system.....but He will begin to use them in ways He wants to use them in your life. The support will be anointed by Him. Wow! How I wish someone would’ve told me that when I was suffering.
He means it when He says, “you shall have no other gods before Me”. Yep, He means it.
Seasons
I've thought a lot about the seasons of life lately. There are the seasons of beauty and growth that leaves you in a state of complete peace. You know what I'm talking about, those times in your life when you say to yourself, 'ahhh...life is good', just kinda leaves you sighing and you give thanks. And then there are the seasons of storms. Hmmm....brings about a completely different array of feelings, doesn't it? One stormy season in our life can change everything.
I learned a few days ago that a high school friend committed suicide last week. His family is most likely right in the middle of the biggest storm they have ever faced. And the storms he was trying to endure? My heart breaks for him.
I just returned from a trip to Dallas to visit with my friend, Jan, Galen's wife. You remember Galen from previous chapters in this blog. I want so desperately to take away the dark clouds that still loom every single day from her storm that she experienced several months ago, but I can't. All I can do is walk with her, pray for her, pray with her, and love her through her storm.
A few days ago, I received a call asking me to talk to a woman going through menopause that was suicidal. I did have the privilege of talking to her and I felt as though I was looking into a mirror a year and a half ago. The changes in her life, including a recent divorce, left her so vulnerable to the changes that was happening in her body as well. She was severely depressed. She told me she had not gotten out of bed for anything except to go to the restroom for several days. She told me that she felt like she was running off her friends and had come to the point of not calling them for the help she so desperately needed. She was smack in the middle of a storm, a storm that was raging out of control. Was there hope for her? Absolutely! But when you're standing right in the eye of the storm, it's so difficult to see what's on the other side of that storm. All you can do is try to survive the now.
I don't know what season you are in right now, whether it's one of beauty and prosperity or one of storms and darkness, but here's the deal with seasons.... you have no control over them. But you do have control over what you do with them. If you are in the midst of a raging storm, get the help you need, whatever that looks like, but don't try to just 'wait it out'. It may get worse before it gets better. I know you are feeling very alone. You look up to seek His face and all you see is darkness. You look all around you and the storm is so heavy that you can't even see clear enough to take a step forward. You feel paralyzed with fear, confusion, and hopelessness. I would encourage you to take that step forward, not having any idea where it may lead. And as you begin to walk, you will begin to feel the grasp on your hand that's been there the entire time. You're not alone, that is one thing I know for certain. Perhaps you are on the other side of the storm and you made it through, but you feel so stinkin' beat up, you're not certain you'll ever be the same. Then allow it to change you. Allow it to make you more prepared for future storms of life. Allow it to make you more sensitive to others as they go through their stormy season. And allow it to bring you to the 'end of yourself' and face down before the Almighty God, in the full realization that He alone is your hope. There IS hope, sweet friend. The sun will shine again. I promise.
I learned a few days ago that a high school friend committed suicide last week. His family is most likely right in the middle of the biggest storm they have ever faced. And the storms he was trying to endure? My heart breaks for him.
I just returned from a trip to Dallas to visit with my friend, Jan, Galen's wife. You remember Galen from previous chapters in this blog. I want so desperately to take away the dark clouds that still loom every single day from her storm that she experienced several months ago, but I can't. All I can do is walk with her, pray for her, pray with her, and love her through her storm.
A few days ago, I received a call asking me to talk to a woman going through menopause that was suicidal. I did have the privilege of talking to her and I felt as though I was looking into a mirror a year and a half ago. The changes in her life, including a recent divorce, left her so vulnerable to the changes that was happening in her body as well. She was severely depressed. She told me she had not gotten out of bed for anything except to go to the restroom for several days. She told me that she felt like she was running off her friends and had come to the point of not calling them for the help she so desperately needed. She was smack in the middle of a storm, a storm that was raging out of control. Was there hope for her? Absolutely! But when you're standing right in the eye of the storm, it's so difficult to see what's on the other side of that storm. All you can do is try to survive the now.
I don't know what season you are in right now, whether it's one of beauty and prosperity or one of storms and darkness, but here's the deal with seasons.... you have no control over them. But you do have control over what you do with them. If you are in the midst of a raging storm, get the help you need, whatever that looks like, but don't try to just 'wait it out'. It may get worse before it gets better. I know you are feeling very alone. You look up to seek His face and all you see is darkness. You look all around you and the storm is so heavy that you can't even see clear enough to take a step forward. You feel paralyzed with fear, confusion, and hopelessness. I would encourage you to take that step forward, not having any idea where it may lead. And as you begin to walk, you will begin to feel the grasp on your hand that's been there the entire time. You're not alone, that is one thing I know for certain. Perhaps you are on the other side of the storm and you made it through, but you feel so stinkin' beat up, you're not certain you'll ever be the same. Then allow it to change you. Allow it to make you more prepared for future storms of life. Allow it to make you more sensitive to others as they go through their stormy season. And allow it to bring you to the 'end of yourself' and face down before the Almighty God, in the full realization that He alone is your hope. There IS hope, sweet friend. The sun will shine again. I promise.
He's alive! Is he ever!!!
Today is Easter. The end of a 40 day journey. At the beginning of this journey, I prayed that I would be a different woman on this day.....and indeed I am. I am more at peace than I was 40 days ago and it has nothing to do with anything in particular that's taken place. It's more about Who I've been with. It hasn't been a journey based on emotion. The Lord hasn't imparted great wisdom to me. Believe me, it would take a whole lot longer than 40 days for that to come about! The fact is, is He simply bowed down from heaven and took the time to talk to me.....really talk to me and I just couldn't quite get enough. His voice was so sweet I just wanted to hear more. He was right there when I cried, I mean He was so close that His breath dried my tears. I began this journey seeking resolution to my shame and to my past. What He gave me was restoration. And I saw His face. The longer I sat at His feet, the more intently I saw His face. The need to speak of my shame dissipated, the longing for resolution to my past faded. All the sudden, none of that mattered. I just wanted to stay right there. It didn't matter what was happening around me, I didn't care to look. I began to see Him everywhere .... in the heart of my kids as we prayed together; I saw Him in the eyes of my mother as she looked at me with her childlike wonder; I saw Him in the smile of my sweet friend who got good news of her husband's cancer; I saw Him in my father's heart as he told me of his renewed walk with His Lord and Savior and in his voice as he spoke gentle words of love to his daughter that so needed to hear them; I felt His touch in the hand of a patient who let go of life with grace and dignity, and I felt His joy as I shared laughter with my students, being reminded of why I love being a teacher. I've looked into the eyes of my Savior and I'm different because of it.
I finished up a women's bible study that I was involved in as well. It was based on 5 women that literally changed history. They were all in the lineage of Christ. But they also were women that would seem incredibly unlikely to be called to such a high purpose. They were women with a past.... they were women touched by shame.... they were women that were restored, that were healed, that were transformed, that were used for the Kingdom of Christ. As you can imagine, these are women I want to get to know. They are women that have shared a few of the same footsteps as my own, they are women that were called according to His purpose for something beyond their hopes and dreams. They are women that give me courage to hold my head up when I walk in the midst of others, their stories give me strength to let go of my yesterday and keep my eyes fixed on what He has planned for my tomorrow. The great thing? They were women like you and I. They were wives and mothers that struggled with temptations and heart break, they were single women that felt discouragement and pain. I'm certain they had times of anxiety, they suffered from depression, they experienced the ups and downs that hormones bless us with, and when they looked in a mirror (did they have mirrors back then?:), I'm just sure there were many days that they were nothing less than disgusted with themselves. The fact is, they were everyday women that had more than one thing in common, but the most incredible? The Lord chose them. He saw something in them that they didn't see in themselves. Did you hear me? He saw something in them that they didn't see in themselves. Wow!! Did that gust of hope just about knock you over??? Yeah... me too.
Did the Lord show you His face during this Lent season? Maybe it was just for a moment when your breath was taken away or perhaps there was healing....restoration. Did He 'resurrect' you from a life of shame and pain? He did that for me. It doesn't mean that when I look into the mirror I am not reminded of what my yesterday held and the scars that remain. Believe me, I see them!! In the book, Jesus Creed, the author says "even Jesus was resurrected with His wounds". Powerful words for those of us that have some pretty deep wounds. Maybe the season simply represented a time that you surrendered a piece of yourself. Did He touch you? Are you different because of the last 40 days? I would love to hear from you either by comment or by email. And then let's see what the next 40 days might hold...
I finished up a women's bible study that I was involved in as well. It was based on 5 women that literally changed history. They were all in the lineage of Christ. But they also were women that would seem incredibly unlikely to be called to such a high purpose. They were women with a past.... they were women touched by shame.... they were women that were restored, that were healed, that were transformed, that were used for the Kingdom of Christ. As you can imagine, these are women I want to get to know. They are women that have shared a few of the same footsteps as my own, they are women that were called according to His purpose for something beyond their hopes and dreams. They are women that give me courage to hold my head up when I walk in the midst of others, their stories give me strength to let go of my yesterday and keep my eyes fixed on what He has planned for my tomorrow. The great thing? They were women like you and I. They were wives and mothers that struggled with temptations and heart break, they were single women that felt discouragement and pain. I'm certain they had times of anxiety, they suffered from depression, they experienced the ups and downs that hormones bless us with, and when they looked in a mirror (did they have mirrors back then?:), I'm just sure there were many days that they were nothing less than disgusted with themselves. The fact is, they were everyday women that had more than one thing in common, but the most incredible? The Lord chose them. He saw something in them that they didn't see in themselves. Did you hear me? He saw something in them that they didn't see in themselves. Wow!! Did that gust of hope just about knock you over??? Yeah... me too.
Did the Lord show you His face during this Lent season? Maybe it was just for a moment when your breath was taken away or perhaps there was healing....restoration. Did He 'resurrect' you from a life of shame and pain? He did that for me. It doesn't mean that when I look into the mirror I am not reminded of what my yesterday held and the scars that remain. Believe me, I see them!! In the book, Jesus Creed, the author says "even Jesus was resurrected with His wounds". Powerful words for those of us that have some pretty deep wounds. Maybe the season simply represented a time that you surrendered a piece of yourself. Did He touch you? Are you different because of the last 40 days? I would love to hear from you either by comment or by email. And then let's see what the next 40 days might hold...
40 days...
Our church is beginning a journey....a 40 day journey... from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. Many churches around the nation are doing something similar, but I'm excited about spending the next 40 days in commitment with other believers to seek Him unreservedly. Yeah, I know, sounds kinda 'churchy', doesn't it? That's ok...this isn't about church, this is about Him. Since this is one place where I feel that I can be completely open and vulnerable, here is what I wrote in my journal yesterday...
3/9/11
As lent season begins, I am joining my church on a 40 day journey. My personal journey involves seeking my Lord's face and seeking His favor where new levels of intimacy will be found. In 40 days, I don't want to be the same person I am today. I want to experience You in Your fullness. I want to see Your glory. I pray for a renewing of my mind and my spirit. I pray that others would see me through Your eyes and that they might extend to me the hand of grace and peace. It's not that I feel that I deserve it. I know that I lost the respect and love that I once cherished from some and as much as my heart aches every single day over that loss, I know that I'm not defined by that. I only ask that You, Father bring a spirit of peace between us. I pray that You will whisper to my kids in these 40 days, that they will come to know You in a different way. I pray that Mark would be refreshed and renewed, that You would speak words of authority and truth into his life.
I want to be so focused during these 40 days that nothing else gains my interest. I want to watch Your hand move. I want to see the grace of Christ win the battle that rages. I want your grace to once and for all cover the shame that looms over me. I want to see Jesus. Whatever it takes....
Last week our pastor spoke of how our God is able to do anything that we ask....but we have to ask. Can I encourage you to go on a journey with me over these next 40 days? Let's seek His face together, finding intimacy with Him in ways that leave us hungering for more. Let's sit at His feet together, look up into His eyes, and see what He has to say to us. During Lent season, you usually 'give up' something. Some fast, some give up chocolate or television or video games. The Lord has told me what to fast during this 40 days and I will do that, but it goes beyond that. It's giving up self . Ouch. That's the hardest thing to give up. Sometimes we think we've given Him our all....and then a tough situation comes up and self comes shining through, in all of its glory! Let's see what He has in store for us as we lay more and more of self at His feet. I don't know about you, but I'm excited about this journey. It's a journey of victory, right? I mean, how can it not be? We know what happens at the end of the 40 days. Easter. Victory.
3/9/11
As lent season begins, I am joining my church on a 40 day journey. My personal journey involves seeking my Lord's face and seeking His favor where new levels of intimacy will be found. In 40 days, I don't want to be the same person I am today. I want to experience You in Your fullness. I want to see Your glory. I pray for a renewing of my mind and my spirit. I pray that others would see me through Your eyes and that they might extend to me the hand of grace and peace. It's not that I feel that I deserve it. I know that I lost the respect and love that I once cherished from some and as much as my heart aches every single day over that loss, I know that I'm not defined by that. I only ask that You, Father bring a spirit of peace between us. I pray that You will whisper to my kids in these 40 days, that they will come to know You in a different way. I pray that Mark would be refreshed and renewed, that You would speak words of authority and truth into his life.
I want to be so focused during these 40 days that nothing else gains my interest. I want to watch Your hand move. I want to see the grace of Christ win the battle that rages. I want your grace to once and for all cover the shame that looms over me. I want to see Jesus. Whatever it takes....
Last week our pastor spoke of how our God is able to do anything that we ask....but we have to ask. Can I encourage you to go on a journey with me over these next 40 days? Let's seek His face together, finding intimacy with Him in ways that leave us hungering for more. Let's sit at His feet together, look up into His eyes, and see what He has to say to us. During Lent season, you usually 'give up' something. Some fast, some give up chocolate or television or video games. The Lord has told me what to fast during this 40 days and I will do that, but it goes beyond that. It's giving up self . Ouch. That's the hardest thing to give up. Sometimes we think we've given Him our all....and then a tough situation comes up and self comes shining through, in all of its glory! Let's see what He has in store for us as we lay more and more of self at His feet. I don't know about you, but I'm excited about this journey. It's a journey of victory, right? I mean, how can it not be? We know what happens at the end of the 40 days. Easter. Victory.
God is working.....A note from a reader
I received permission to pass this on to you....it shows how much bigger our God is than the hopelessness of depression! And it also shows how our body and our mind is so very affected by our hormones!
Dear Kim,
How kind of you to check on me. Praise the Lord- I am doing well! My doctor has tinkered with my progesterone dosages and that seems to be at a good dose finally. I also found out that I am gluten sensitive and changed my diet. One big effect of that problem is hormone imbalances. Who knew??? Many of the other symptoms have been relieved from my new diet as well. I have switched antidepressants due to side effects and am tolerating this one better.
My husband and I entered a marriage program (www.helpourmarriage.com). It lasted for 2 months and know that God blessed us with this program. It has transformed our marriage. We are communicating as we never have in 20 years of marriage!
I see His work in every part of my recovery...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From the dark pit of despair, where I thought I could never return, Christ has reached down and taken me in His arms and pulled me up. It is as if I can hear Him say, "Remember, I said I would never leave you". I forgot for a while....a long while, but am believing that truth and rejoicing in it. I have poured over the scriptures and journaling to Him often, something I have never done before this summer. He is still healing me. I feel it every day. I never thought He could provide my every need. I really didn't, but He is.
I have grieved with you the loss of your friend, Galen. I am so sorry that you must endure the loss of him. I used to wonder how someone could get so low that they could do such a thing. Unfortunately, now I know. My stomach turned knowing that it could have very well been me instead. And I grieved understanding the darkness that took him there.
I am seeing the world differently. It is as if God has blessed me with a deeper maturity that I didn't even know was missing. I am thankful for that. You know how when you're in the middle of it, you know it's bad, and as you continue, you look back at what you have been through and you fall on your knees in thankfulness that He brought you out?....that it really was much worse than you realized? ...that your stomach turns when you think of those dark months and just want to turn your eyes away as if it didn't happen? Well, that is where I am, and it is sobering, as I know you know.
Well, although we've never met, you are a dear friend and I thank you for listening and for caring. I pray that your testimony reaches thousands and gives them hope that is so very needed. God bless you. You have been a blessing to me....you have helped me recover more than you know.
J.B.
Thank you, J.B., for your transparency. Thank you for allowing your pain to take you to a new level of intimacy with Him. I will continue to pray for you and your recovery. You are a blessing.
Dear Kim,
How kind of you to check on me. Praise the Lord- I am doing well! My doctor has tinkered with my progesterone dosages and that seems to be at a good dose finally. I also found out that I am gluten sensitive and changed my diet. One big effect of that problem is hormone imbalances. Who knew??? Many of the other symptoms have been relieved from my new diet as well. I have switched antidepressants due to side effects and am tolerating this one better.
My husband and I entered a marriage program (www.helpourmarriage.com). It lasted for 2 months and know that God blessed us with this program. It has transformed our marriage. We are communicating as we never have in 20 years of marriage!
I see His work in every part of my recovery...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From the dark pit of despair, where I thought I could never return, Christ has reached down and taken me in His arms and pulled me up. It is as if I can hear Him say, "Remember, I said I would never leave you". I forgot for a while....a long while, but am believing that truth and rejoicing in it. I have poured over the scriptures and journaling to Him often, something I have never done before this summer. He is still healing me. I feel it every day. I never thought He could provide my every need. I really didn't, but He is.
I have grieved with you the loss of your friend, Galen. I am so sorry that you must endure the loss of him. I used to wonder how someone could get so low that they could do such a thing. Unfortunately, now I know. My stomach turned knowing that it could have very well been me instead. And I grieved understanding the darkness that took him there.
I am seeing the world differently. It is as if God has blessed me with a deeper maturity that I didn't even know was missing. I am thankful for that. You know how when you're in the middle of it, you know it's bad, and as you continue, you look back at what you have been through and you fall on your knees in thankfulness that He brought you out?....that it really was much worse than you realized? ...that your stomach turns when you think of those dark months and just want to turn your eyes away as if it didn't happen? Well, that is where I am, and it is sobering, as I know you know.
Well, although we've never met, you are a dear friend and I thank you for listening and for caring. I pray that your testimony reaches thousands and gives them hope that is so very needed. God bless you. You have been a blessing to me....you have helped me recover more than you know.
J.B.
Thank you, J.B., for your transparency. Thank you for allowing your pain to take you to a new level of intimacy with Him. I will continue to pray for you and your recovery. You are a blessing.
Prayer for 2011
Lord Jesus...
I give you my body, my soul, all that I am and all that I have. I give you my family, my friends, and I give you any worth that I hold of myself and that others hold of me.
Use me and all that is mine in whatever ways You choose. I am not my own, but I am completely Yours, therefore claim me as Your servant, as Your precious child. Hold me close, Father. Fight for me when I am assaulted, heal me when I am wounded, and revive me when I am destroyed. (revised from David Busic's sermon)
Father, do a new work in me in 2011. Use me in ways unimaginable. It would be an honor if you would bless others through me. I pray this year would be a year of new beginnings for my children....that their faces would be fixed upon Your gaze and that they would hunger and thirst for You as never before. I ask that our home would be a place of peace and that the very arms of God Himself would embrace the Bryan family and take us to heavenly places. Breathe new life into this place. Take us to new levels of intimacy with You and with each other. May we see Your glory in 2011.
The first paragraph of that prayer is one that Pastor David Busic, BFC, had the congregation say out loud together at the end of last Sunday's service. I changed it up a bit, took out the thees and thous, but that's about it. It was very powerful as we read it as a body of Christ.
The second paragraph is my heartfelt words to my Lord for this coming year. I know...kinda short, huh? Very unlike me. The first line really could have said it all...'do a new work in me in 2011'. It encompasses everything and everyone around me. I want my Lord to have His perfect will in my life. I've prayed that many, many times in my life...but, I don't know, it feels different when I say it today. No bars held. No boundaries. I just want Him, more of Him. That prayer no longer feels "dangerous" to me. It doesn't scare me. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways". My mind cannot even fathom what He can do in my life. I certainly don't want fear of the unknown to hinder Him. In a prayer that I prayed for the new year of 2009, I asked the Lord to "rock my world". Wow, indeed He rocked my world. In fact, it shattered all around me. But, I can say today without reserve that in spite of the residual pain and shame that lingers, I know that He is doing a new work in me that would not be accomplished if I had not experienced 2009. Oh, it's not a work that is flourishing me or lifting me up .... but rather, quite the opposite. It's a work that is so deep within my spirit that virtually no one sees the process taking place. It's kinda personal, what's happening between my Lord and I. It's really personal, but this blog is one place that I attempt to put it into words. I can't do it justice. How do you place grace on paper? What words can I use to describe the touch of Christ Himself? How can I possibly tell you what it feels like to look into the eyes of my Savior and get lost in the peace that they offer? Many of you have experienced it for yourself and so you know....you know why I hunger for more. You know why I can't quite get enough. And so I face 2011 with anticipation of what He will do in my life. How about you? Are you with me? The fact is, He digs us! He adores us! Let's seek Him together.
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