My heart is breaking...

A sweet dear friend called me the night before last and said, "Kim, I understand what you went through last year."  As we continued to talk, I knew something wasn't quite right.  Wait a minute....this is TS, she's as solid as they come.  She's everyone's rock.  I've known her since high school.  We've shared more laughter than what should be allowed in life.  She walked with me through my healing this past year.....she didn't just walk with me, she held my hand, she placed her arm around my shoulders, and she looked me in the eyes and said, 'you can do this, Kim'.  We've spent many hours together the past several months celebrating our 50th....over and over again!  We ventured to Mexico together.  We have talked for hours on end, just like we did when we were crazy high school girls.  She's my buddy.  Two days later, it appears that my buddy has lost her mind.  Sweet Jesus....I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, much less my sweet T.  She knows that she's not right.  But her conversation goes from here to there...from high to low....from this point to that one.  And she knows.  She knows she's not right.

I watch her husband as he cries.  I remember the puffy, red eyes that Mark wore for days as he watched his wife slip away.  He has to wonder what the days ahead hold.  Will he get his wife back?

I'm full of frustration.  Last night at the hospital, I listened to doctors discount 'hormonal issues' that women suffer with.  And although her estrogen levels came back extremely low, they refuse to simply place a patch on her.  They refuse to believe that indeed hormones may play that much havoc on a woman's brain.  The arrogance of that decision is nothing short of pitiful.  How dare they?  I try to imagine what my last year would have held if they did not respond to the hormonal imbalance that was happening to my confused brain.  Would I be dead?  Would I be frantically trying psychotic med after psychotic med in an attempt to find some relief?  Would I be shuffled from nuthouse to nuthouse due to concerns of my family?

My friend's situation may or may not be hormonal.  I'm not certain that it is.  But, I'm not willing to sit by and watch her suffer without ever knowing if a simple patch of estrogen would have made the difference.  I will fight for her.  I don't know what that looks like right now because I want to respect her husband and her sweet family.  So I wait and I pray.  I seek guidance from my Savior.  The same Savior that bent down from heaven and scooped me up in His arms one year ago.  That Savior adores my sweet T.  He will take care of her.  So I listen...closely.