I received permission to pass this on to you....it shows how much bigger our God is than the hopelessness of depression! And it also shows how our body and our mind is so very affected by our hormones!
Dear Kim,
How kind of you to check on me. Praise the Lord- I am doing well! My doctor has tinkered with my progesterone dosages and that seems to be at a good dose finally. I also found out that I am gluten sensitive and changed my diet. One big effect of that problem is hormone imbalances. Who knew??? Many of the other symptoms have been relieved from my new diet as well. I have switched antidepressants due to side effects and am tolerating this one better.
My husband and I entered a marriage program (www.helpourmarriage.com). It lasted for 2 months and know that God blessed us with this program. It has transformed our marriage. We are communicating as we never have in 20 years of marriage!
I see His work in every part of my recovery...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From the dark pit of despair, where I thought I could never return, Christ has reached down and taken me in His arms and pulled me up. It is as if I can hear Him say, "Remember, I said I would never leave you". I forgot for a while....a long while, but am believing that truth and rejoicing in it. I have poured over the scriptures and journaling to Him often, something I have never done before this summer. He is still healing me. I feel it every day. I never thought He could provide my every need. I really didn't, but He is.
I have grieved with you the loss of your friend, Galen. I am so sorry that you must endure the loss of him. I used to wonder how someone could get so low that they could do such a thing. Unfortunately, now I know. My stomach turned knowing that it could have very well been me instead. And I grieved understanding the darkness that took him there.
I am seeing the world differently. It is as if God has blessed me with a deeper maturity that I didn't even know was missing. I am thankful for that. You know how when you're in the middle of it, you know it's bad, and as you continue, you look back at what you have been through and you fall on your knees in thankfulness that He brought you out?....that it really was much worse than you realized? ...that your stomach turns when you think of those dark months and just want to turn your eyes away as if it didn't happen? Well, that is where I am, and it is sobering, as I know you know.
Well, although we've never met, you are a dear friend and I thank you for listening and for caring. I pray that your testimony reaches thousands and gives them hope that is so very needed. God bless you. You have been a blessing to me....you have helped me recover more than you know.
J.B.
Thank you, J.B., for your transparency. Thank you for allowing your pain to take you to a new level of intimacy with Him. I will continue to pray for you and your recovery. You are a blessing.
Prayer for 2011
Lord Jesus...
I give you my body, my soul, all that I am and all that I have. I give you my family, my friends, and I give you any worth that I hold of myself and that others hold of me.
Use me and all that is mine in whatever ways You choose. I am not my own, but I am completely Yours, therefore claim me as Your servant, as Your precious child. Hold me close, Father. Fight for me when I am assaulted, heal me when I am wounded, and revive me when I am destroyed. (revised from David Busic's sermon)
Father, do a new work in me in 2011. Use me in ways unimaginable. It would be an honor if you would bless others through me. I pray this year would be a year of new beginnings for my children....that their faces would be fixed upon Your gaze and that they would hunger and thirst for You as never before. I ask that our home would be a place of peace and that the very arms of God Himself would embrace the Bryan family and take us to heavenly places. Breathe new life into this place. Take us to new levels of intimacy with You and with each other. May we see Your glory in 2011.
The first paragraph of that prayer is one that Pastor David Busic, BFC, had the congregation say out loud together at the end of last Sunday's service. I changed it up a bit, took out the thees and thous, but that's about it. It was very powerful as we read it as a body of Christ.
The second paragraph is my heartfelt words to my Lord for this coming year. I know...kinda short, huh? Very unlike me. The first line really could have said it all...'do a new work in me in 2011'. It encompasses everything and everyone around me. I want my Lord to have His perfect will in my life. I've prayed that many, many times in my life...but, I don't know, it feels different when I say it today. No bars held. No boundaries. I just want Him, more of Him. That prayer no longer feels "dangerous" to me. It doesn't scare me. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are My ways your ways". My mind cannot even fathom what He can do in my life. I certainly don't want fear of the unknown to hinder Him. In a prayer that I prayed for the new year of 2009, I asked the Lord to "rock my world". Wow, indeed He rocked my world. In fact, it shattered all around me. But, I can say today without reserve that in spite of the residual pain and shame that lingers, I know that He is doing a new work in me that would not be accomplished if I had not experienced 2009. Oh, it's not a work that is flourishing me or lifting me up .... but rather, quite the opposite. It's a work that is so deep within my spirit that virtually no one sees the process taking place. It's kinda personal, what's happening between my Lord and I. It's really personal, but this blog is one place that I attempt to put it into words. I can't do it justice. How do you place grace on paper? What words can I use to describe the touch of Christ Himself? How can I possibly tell you what it feels like to look into the eyes of my Savior and get lost in the peace that they offer? Many of you have experienced it for yourself and so you know....you know why I hunger for more. You know why I can't quite get enough. And so I face 2011 with anticipation of what He will do in my life. How about you? Are you with me? The fact is, He digs us! He adores us! Let's seek Him together.
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